Today we are going to discuss hiding from people. Sounds a bit odd but stay with me.
We have all had that really awkward moment where we have spotted someone we REALLY don't want to speak to; that lad you really shouldn't have kissed at the club last week, the friend you fell out with or the ridiculously gorgeous guy from the gym when you are not looking your best.
Now you could be the bigger person and say a breezy hello or my personal favourite which is pick from my below list of tried and tested (by me) avoidance options.
1. The phone call
Pretty self explanatory but pretending you are in the middle of a phone call is a classic avoidance technique. It also alludes to the illusion that you are rather popular. One tip though, make sure your phone will not ring during this time, you will look mental.
2. The stare through
You've clocked them, they are five steps away and there is no getting away from this one. So what do you do; you pretend you are in such a deep state of focus that you are actually looking through them. They are no longer a person but an obstacle that you need to get around. Top tip: try to furrow your brow intensely like you are thinking of something super important, it's impressive.
3. The "Oh I'm so silly"
Now this one takes a bit of acting, a GCSE in drama is preferred for this option. It involves spotting the person, quickly looking in your bag or at your phone and rolling your eyes, or for the more melodramatic placing your palm on your forehead in mock horror giving the impression that you have forgotten something. Next turn around and walk in the opposite direction....quickly.
4. The lookout
This is my personal favourite and I have used it exactly three times, mostly because it is the most fun. It involves throwing yourself behind the nearest wall/door/DVD display......I've shared too much. Stay in your preferred hideout until the person has passed. You get ten extra points if someone spots you using 'the lookout'!
So that is my guide to hiding from people you want to avoid. You are welcome!
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Sunday 28 April 2013
Escape the rut!
Today I am going to write a post on something that I have experienced a few times in my life and that is getting stuck in a rut.
There are many forms that the rut takes and they can present themselves in almost all aspects of life. Like me you may have recently been experiencing the 'MEGA RUT' which spans so many different genres of rut that you can't seem to distinguish between the different days because they are all the same!
Oh and the worst part of being stuck in a rut....you usually don't even realise you are in one until something brings it sharply to your attention. So have a think, when was the last time you did something out of the ordinary? When was the last time you did something completely new? When was the last time you actually shocked yourself?
As I thought more and more about this topic the answer suddenly dawned on me, the reason so many of us fall in into the mundane is a lack of confidence. The confidence to be brave and step outside of our comfort zone, speak up for ourselves and fight for what we want from life rather than accepting what we are given.
I have compiled a list of the three most common ruts and my suggested antidote for kicking them to the curb.
Fashion & Beauty
Now this is one that I am currently trying to dig myself out of. On average I read at least 2 fashion magazines a week, numerous fashion blogs and am constantly spotting amazing style on the streets of Cardiff that I absolutely love, but yet I wear pretty much the same clothes every week. My standard work attire is jeans, black boots and a jumper every day and the funny thing is I have a wardrobe full of amazing dresses, short suits and pencil skirts. So why is this?
Well there is something you should know about me, although it may not seem it I am quite shy. Drawing attention to myself is not something that I relish in. You will not find a single selfie on my Twitter or Facebook feeds and if someone compliments me I go a strange crimson colour.
I learnt a while ago that if you act like you are confident and know what you are talking about then it doesn't matter how you actually feel because no one will ever realise that you are inwardly cringing.
In conclusion, my antidote to the fashion rut is to have the confidence to try out new things and develop your own individuality. Who cares if you get it wrong and look like a mixture of Ke$ha and Helena Bonham Carter, everyone will have forgotten by the next day anyway!
Relationships
"Oh no we can't come out, Friday is takeaway and Eastenders night." STOP RIGHT THERE! These words should never be uttered (and not just because Eastenders is pants.) You are two separate people with two separate personalities, breaking a routine with new experiences are what makes you grow as an individual and as couple.
Don't bumble along in a relationship that you aren't happy in as each anniversary passes you by, speak up and work through it or if you can't then move on. Oh and never cry over someone that wouldn't cry over you (wise words from my aunty!)
Work
I liken work to a roundabout; life goes past so fast that you only realise where you are when you stop. Often we start a job with no real aim or direction hoping that we may stumble into our perfect job, I've got bad news for you, this is supremely rare. Most of us have to work our butts off to get where we want to go.
If you aren't in your dream career, think carefully what it would be. Take night classes and contact people asking them how they got their job. Persistence is the key, never stop knocking on those doors because you never know where one might lead to.
By no means do I have all the answers but what I am trying to say is that life is far too short to put up with things, you may not suddenly get your perfect life but knowing that you are working towards it will help you escape that rut!
There are many forms that the rut takes and they can present themselves in almost all aspects of life. Like me you may have recently been experiencing the 'MEGA RUT' which spans so many different genres of rut that you can't seem to distinguish between the different days because they are all the same!
Oh and the worst part of being stuck in a rut....you usually don't even realise you are in one until something brings it sharply to your attention. So have a think, when was the last time you did something out of the ordinary? When was the last time you did something completely new? When was the last time you actually shocked yourself?
As I thought more and more about this topic the answer suddenly dawned on me, the reason so many of us fall in into the mundane is a lack of confidence. The confidence to be brave and step outside of our comfort zone, speak up for ourselves and fight for what we want from life rather than accepting what we are given.
I have compiled a list of the three most common ruts and my suggested antidote for kicking them to the curb.
Fashion & Beauty
Now this is one that I am currently trying to dig myself out of. On average I read at least 2 fashion magazines a week, numerous fashion blogs and am constantly spotting amazing style on the streets of Cardiff that I absolutely love, but yet I wear pretty much the same clothes every week. My standard work attire is jeans, black boots and a jumper every day and the funny thing is I have a wardrobe full of amazing dresses, short suits and pencil skirts. So why is this?
Well there is something you should know about me, although it may not seem it I am quite shy. Drawing attention to myself is not something that I relish in. You will not find a single selfie on my Twitter or Facebook feeds and if someone compliments me I go a strange crimson colour.
I learnt a while ago that if you act like you are confident and know what you are talking about then it doesn't matter how you actually feel because no one will ever realise that you are inwardly cringing.
In conclusion, my antidote to the fashion rut is to have the confidence to try out new things and develop your own individuality. Who cares if you get it wrong and look like a mixture of Ke$ha and Helena Bonham Carter, everyone will have forgotten by the next day anyway!
Relationships
"Oh no we can't come out, Friday is takeaway and Eastenders night." STOP RIGHT THERE! These words should never be uttered (and not just because Eastenders is pants.) You are two separate people with two separate personalities, breaking a routine with new experiences are what makes you grow as an individual and as couple.
Don't bumble along in a relationship that you aren't happy in as each anniversary passes you by, speak up and work through it or if you can't then move on. Oh and never cry over someone that wouldn't cry over you (wise words from my aunty!)
Work
I liken work to a roundabout; life goes past so fast that you only realise where you are when you stop. Often we start a job with no real aim or direction hoping that we may stumble into our perfect job, I've got bad news for you, this is supremely rare. Most of us have to work our butts off to get where we want to go.
If you aren't in your dream career, think carefully what it would be. Take night classes and contact people asking them how they got their job. Persistence is the key, never stop knocking on those doors because you never know where one might lead to.
By no means do I have all the answers but what I am trying to say is that life is far too short to put up with things, you may not suddenly get your perfect life but knowing that you are working towards it will help you escape that rut!
Thursday 27 December 2012
Saturday 17 November 2012
A case of the Icks
The 'Icks' is that moment when you are on a first date with a guy and he does/says/wears something which makes you a tiny bit sick in your mouth. It is not a scientific term but I think it describes the moment perfectly.
We have all been there, you met a seemingly nice guy and decided to go for some drinks, it is all going so well and then he sneezes in your face or talks about himself in the third person. You feel that glass of pinot grigio start to creep back up your throat and you look around for your nearest point of escape. Those are the 'Icks.'
Of course the 'Icks' are not the same for everyone, it is horses for courses after all but let me tell you the story of one of the first dates that I ever went on. Back then at the tender age of 18, (yes I was a late starter) I didn't understand this whole dating malarkey and was painfully polite to everyone even if they didn't deserve it.
Before I start, I see this as a coming of age date that taught me to be the woman that I am today. Without this painfully awful and 'Ick' filled story I would still be going out with guys that did not deserve the time of day.
So, I had met him at a club and we decided to go for a couple of drinks the following week. He seemed quite normal and I was rather excited. I put on my pretty dress and asked where he wanted to meet, he suggested O'Neils; the old man pub where everything is served in pint form. Although this was the first 'Ick' moment I politely obliged.
When I turned up he was wearing a football shirt and reading a science fiction novel (2nd 'Ick' point) but he offered to get me a drink so I smiled nicely. During our conversation he decided to tell me that he ate a live goldfish once, (3rd 'Ick' point) he then proceeded to tell me that he was sick of girls that expect to be treated like princesses and think guys should do everything for them. He proclaimed that if I was lucky enough to go out with him then I shouldn't expect that at all (4th 'Ick' point.)
And it doesn't finish there, he then told me it was my round because he only takes five pounds out on dates with him so the girl has to pay the rest (can't even count how many 'Ick' points that is now.) Next he pointed at the freckles on my arms and said 'God you have a lot of those, it's not that I dislike them....' and the final blow was that he jumped in my taxi home, asked the driver to take the long route back to my house so we could drop him off and then didn't offer any money towards it (of course he only had a fiver though!)
He then asked if I would like to see him again, my Ickometer by that time had blown up and I shut the taxi door in his face and told the driver to step on it. Needless to say that after that trauma I am more selective about who I date, however you can never be sure how someone is going to turn out. Sometimes they just slip through the net so listen to your gut, if you have an 'Ick' moment he probably isn't going to be right for you.
Here are a couple more moments which happened even after I had learnt my lesson:
We have all been there, you met a seemingly nice guy and decided to go for some drinks, it is all going so well and then he sneezes in your face or talks about himself in the third person. You feel that glass of pinot grigio start to creep back up your throat and you look around for your nearest point of escape. Those are the 'Icks.'
Of course the 'Icks' are not the same for everyone, it is horses for courses after all but let me tell you the story of one of the first dates that I ever went on. Back then at the tender age of 18, (yes I was a late starter) I didn't understand this whole dating malarkey and was painfully polite to everyone even if they didn't deserve it.
Before I start, I see this as a coming of age date that taught me to be the woman that I am today. Without this painfully awful and 'Ick' filled story I would still be going out with guys that did not deserve the time of day.
So, I had met him at a club and we decided to go for a couple of drinks the following week. He seemed quite normal and I was rather excited. I put on my pretty dress and asked where he wanted to meet, he suggested O'Neils; the old man pub where everything is served in pint form. Although this was the first 'Ick' moment I politely obliged.
When I turned up he was wearing a football shirt and reading a science fiction novel (2nd 'Ick' point) but he offered to get me a drink so I smiled nicely. During our conversation he decided to tell me that he ate a live goldfish once, (3rd 'Ick' point) he then proceeded to tell me that he was sick of girls that expect to be treated like princesses and think guys should do everything for them. He proclaimed that if I was lucky enough to go out with him then I shouldn't expect that at all (4th 'Ick' point.)
And it doesn't finish there, he then told me it was my round because he only takes five pounds out on dates with him so the girl has to pay the rest (can't even count how many 'Ick' points that is now.) Next he pointed at the freckles on my arms and said 'God you have a lot of those, it's not that I dislike them....' and the final blow was that he jumped in my taxi home, asked the driver to take the long route back to my house so we could drop him off and then didn't offer any money towards it (of course he only had a fiver though!)
He then asked if I would like to see him again, my Ickometer by that time had blown up and I shut the taxi door in his face and told the driver to step on it. Needless to say that after that trauma I am more selective about who I date, however you can never be sure how someone is going to turn out. Sometimes they just slip through the net so listen to your gut, if you have an 'Ick' moment he probably isn't going to be right for you.
Here are a couple more moments which happened even after I had learnt my lesson:
- The guy who refused to talk to me for the first 15 minutes when we met up because he was digesting his food???
- The guy who told me he kicked pigeons
- The guy who called me Babbie after 1 date
- The guy who invited me to a wedding in Africa after 1 date
- The guy with the intense eye contact who kept moving closer as I backed away
- The white middle class guy who thought he was gangster (you can't be gangster if you live with your parents. FACT!)
Thursday 1 November 2012
The Game: Who is keeping score anyway?
I have decided to tackle the frankly confusing topic of men and relationships because of a recent resolution that I made; yes I have decided to stay single for a year. This may sound rather dramatic and perhaps a tad peculiar but I have my reasons.
I am not going to start man bashing, this isn't 'Loose Women' and to be honest I have never been in a bad relationship it has usually just been a case of timing. So I have come to this decision based on the fact that I have not been properly single for around 5 years. A lot has changed in these years and I feel having just graduated that perhaps it is time to focus on my life rather than how I fit into someone elses.
It may sound a bit selfish but I think that in your early twenties with no responsibilities is the perfect time to be selfish.
I'm not adverse to the idea of dating over the year, I'm just not into the whole serious boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Personally I am more in the hanging out and having a laugh stage so the resolution is my way of not letting myself slip into something I am not ready for. Of course it is different for everyone, some of my best friends are in fantastic relationships and I couldn't be happier for them but I am just not at that point yet.
Men is a topic that comes up time and time again when talking with my friends, in fact I have just received a message from one asking how long they should leave before texting a guy back. The problem is the 'Rules', the unspoken law of meeting someone new. Of course you can't tell someone if you like them, don't be absurd, instead you must trick them into telling you how they feel first. God forbid that someone finds out that you fancy them, nope it is much more sensible to pretend you don't care. Where does it end though? Surely it would be a lot simpler if we actually said what we were thinking rather than orchestrating this extreme facade.
See I never really got the whole 'Game' thing, if I like a guy I will tell him because life is short, much too short to wonder why he only left one kiss at the end of his text instead of the usual two or why he is wearing that jumper that his ex gave him. A lot of the frustration that girls feel is the fact that they don't know where they stand,well if you ask directly then there is only one of two answers and it takes a lot less time.
I may revisit this subject in the future but for now this is my two cents.
Any comments or questions, tweet me @abbiecoles
I am not going to start man bashing, this isn't 'Loose Women' and to be honest I have never been in a bad relationship it has usually just been a case of timing. So I have come to this decision based on the fact that I have not been properly single for around 5 years. A lot has changed in these years and I feel having just graduated that perhaps it is time to focus on my life rather than how I fit into someone elses.
It may sound a bit selfish but I think that in your early twenties with no responsibilities is the perfect time to be selfish.
I'm not adverse to the idea of dating over the year, I'm just not into the whole serious boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Personally I am more in the hanging out and having a laugh stage so the resolution is my way of not letting myself slip into something I am not ready for. Of course it is different for everyone, some of my best friends are in fantastic relationships and I couldn't be happier for them but I am just not at that point yet.
Men is a topic that comes up time and time again when talking with my friends, in fact I have just received a message from one asking how long they should leave before texting a guy back. The problem is the 'Rules', the unspoken law of meeting someone new. Of course you can't tell someone if you like them, don't be absurd, instead you must trick them into telling you how they feel first. God forbid that someone finds out that you fancy them, nope it is much more sensible to pretend you don't care. Where does it end though? Surely it would be a lot simpler if we actually said what we were thinking rather than orchestrating this extreme facade.
See I never really got the whole 'Game' thing, if I like a guy I will tell him because life is short, much too short to wonder why he only left one kiss at the end of his text instead of the usual two or why he is wearing that jumper that his ex gave him. A lot of the frustration that girls feel is the fact that they don't know where they stand,well if you ask directly then there is only one of two answers and it takes a lot less time.
I may revisit this subject in the future but for now this is my two cents.
Any comments or questions, tweet me @abbiecoles
Thursday 18 October 2012
Facebook: Like or Unfriend?
Let me start by sharing with you the things that I was blissfully unaware of until Facebook exploded onto our computer screens in 2004.
1. I have a double chin when I laugh.
2. That perfect Saturday night outfit that I spent a lot of money on looked truly terrible from the back.
3. A fringe does not suit me, NEVER do it again.
4. All of my Facebook friends have a perfect job, perfect relationship and perfect life in general.
Pre 2004 I was happily ignorant to all of the above and managed to live a fulfilling and carefree existence but that has all changed thanks to Facebook. I am not proclaiming that it is the devil or that everyone should revolt and delete their accounts but perhaps a short spell in social networking rehab is in order, especially for those who find themselves fixated by what someone is eating for dinner or what their friend thinks of the new episode of Gossip Girl.
Personally I decided it was time for a reality check when I was scrolling through status updates upon status updates that bored me senseless, in real life would you really 'like' it if your friend called you to tell you they were eating Pringles.......no and why is that? Because it is mind numbingly boring. So why bother typing it?
Started as a means of reconnecting with friends and socialising, Facebook is becoming strangely unsocial. The number of people who write on their friend's wall rather than walk 10 metres and tell them face to face is growing. I refuse to believe this is due to laziness, rather I think this is for another reason which is so other people will see it. Therefore reiterating the fact that you have friends, you are social and having oh so much fun.
See the problem with Facebook is that it is like an airbrushed version of your life. Posts and photos are carefully chosen to one up your friends developing a narcissistic tinge to everyday life. Would you really tell everyone about that Friday night you stayed in wearing 8 year old pyjamas, eating whatever was in the freezer, watching Bridget Jones Diary and praying to God that you don't end up like her..........I feel I have said too much. Well chances are no you wouldn't but when you get that amazing promotion at work or get asked out by that hunky guy from the coffee shop many of us are already updating our status before he has had a chance to walk away.
We are also becoming inundated with photographs, every part of our lives must be documented and shown to the world. Since when did it become normal to photograph your food before you eat it because I don't know about you but I definitely did not sign up for that. Every teenager and twenty something is obsessed with getting that perfect profile picture that says I am the life and soul of the party and you are lucky to know me. Nights out become a marathon of flashes and pouting instead of actually, you know, enjoying yourself.
The thing no one talks about though is how this actually makes others feel, surrounded by people constantly telling you how amazing their life is it can be overwhelming when yours isn't quite the fairy tale you envisaged. That is why everything you see on Facebook has to be taken with a pinch of salt, nobody has the perfect life and if they were uncontrollably happy all the time would they really feel the need to tell everybody on a social networking site?
Are we all trying so hard to give the impression that we are having fun and leading amazing lives that we forget to actually live in the real world? I have to say since laying off the Facebook it has been like escaping the Matrix, colours are brighter, sounds are clearer and I feel at one with the Earth...okay that is a bit melodramatic but why not give it a try. Life is a lot more fun when you aren't comparing yourself to others and seriously do you actually care that 'Norman is stuck in traffic.' Nope, me either.
1. I have a double chin when I laugh.
2. That perfect Saturday night outfit that I spent a lot of money on looked truly terrible from the back.
3. A fringe does not suit me, NEVER do it again.
4. All of my Facebook friends have a perfect job, perfect relationship and perfect life in general.
Pre 2004 I was happily ignorant to all of the above and managed to live a fulfilling and carefree existence but that has all changed thanks to Facebook. I am not proclaiming that it is the devil or that everyone should revolt and delete their accounts but perhaps a short spell in social networking rehab is in order, especially for those who find themselves fixated by what someone is eating for dinner or what their friend thinks of the new episode of Gossip Girl.
Personally I decided it was time for a reality check when I was scrolling through status updates upon status updates that bored me senseless, in real life would you really 'like' it if your friend called you to tell you they were eating Pringles.......no and why is that? Because it is mind numbingly boring. So why bother typing it?
Started as a means of reconnecting with friends and socialising, Facebook is becoming strangely unsocial. The number of people who write on their friend's wall rather than walk 10 metres and tell them face to face is growing. I refuse to believe this is due to laziness, rather I think this is for another reason which is so other people will see it. Therefore reiterating the fact that you have friends, you are social and having oh so much fun.
See the problem with Facebook is that it is like an airbrushed version of your life. Posts and photos are carefully chosen to one up your friends developing a narcissistic tinge to everyday life. Would you really tell everyone about that Friday night you stayed in wearing 8 year old pyjamas, eating whatever was in the freezer, watching Bridget Jones Diary and praying to God that you don't end up like her..........I feel I have said too much. Well chances are no you wouldn't but when you get that amazing promotion at work or get asked out by that hunky guy from the coffee shop many of us are already updating our status before he has had a chance to walk away.
We are also becoming inundated with photographs, every part of our lives must be documented and shown to the world. Since when did it become normal to photograph your food before you eat it because I don't know about you but I definitely did not sign up for that. Every teenager and twenty something is obsessed with getting that perfect profile picture that says I am the life and soul of the party and you are lucky to know me. Nights out become a marathon of flashes and pouting instead of actually, you know, enjoying yourself.
The thing no one talks about though is how this actually makes others feel, surrounded by people constantly telling you how amazing their life is it can be overwhelming when yours isn't quite the fairy tale you envisaged. That is why everything you see on Facebook has to be taken with a pinch of salt, nobody has the perfect life and if they were uncontrollably happy all the time would they really feel the need to tell everybody on a social networking site?
Are we all trying so hard to give the impression that we are having fun and leading amazing lives that we forget to actually live in the real world? I have to say since laying off the Facebook it has been like escaping the Matrix, colours are brighter, sounds are clearer and I feel at one with the Earth...okay that is a bit melodramatic but why not give it a try. Life is a lot more fun when you aren't comparing yourself to others and seriously do you actually care that 'Norman is stuck in traffic.' Nope, me either.
Apologies
First of all let me apologise for the extremely delayed post, since my last entry I have finished university completely so that is sort of my excuse........no I'm not buying it either. So with much excitement and anticipation (perhaps) I present:
FACEBOOK: LIKE OR UNFRIEND?
Hope you enjoy, tweet me @abbiecoles
FACEBOOK: LIKE OR UNFRIEND?
Hope you enjoy, tweet me @abbiecoles
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